Feb 16, 2014

Crystal-Clear Mystery

The wait feels a bit like it might never end right now… sort of how I felt when I was 9 months pregnant with Cora and I thought maybe… just maybe… I was doomed to be the first woman in the history of the world who was permanently pregnant. (She came two weeks late.)

Pregnancy wasn’t my friend, but at least Cora was snuggled up safely inside of me.

This is so very different. In some ways I feel very detached; like this all might be a dream and I will wake up and find out that we don’t have another daughter waiting on the other side of the world. It’s all so intangible at this point. We haven’t yet installed her car seat, and we haven’t yet set up her co-sleeper. I have begun buying clothing for her, but it’s hard when we aren’t sure exactly what size she is. And then there’s the part of my heart that doesn’t want to accept the fact that the measurements they’ve given me could possibly be true. Our sweet 15 month old daughter weighs what Cora did at 6 months old. I don’t even want to look at a growth chart…

If all continues to go as planned, we might find ourselves on an airplane in about a month... but with no firm dates, it's still very much up in the air. There's so much I could be doing to prepare, but tonight when my little family went to bed early and I was left to my thoughts, they turned towards her. I want to know everything I possibly can about Alea, and I thought about what I had not yet explored. My eyes perused her paperwork once again and settled on the sentence that describes where she was found. With the help of a friend in China (via an amazing little app called WeChat that allows me to text my Chinese friends), we clarified the confusing translation and I located the place on Google Earth within about 20 minutes.

And just like that, I see the place she was found in grainy clarity.


Technology is a strange thing.  So close and yet so far away...  As I look at that photograph, I know that somewhere in this little section of earth, my darling little girl was left to be found.  A crystal-clear mystery.  Her heart-breaking reality.

It didn’t take much more effort to discover actual pictures of the location. I saved those to share with Alea someday in case we aren’t able to visit the spot.

I don’t have much to say about this. Mostly just questions… why this place? Does her family live in the area? Could we someday find them? Where exactly was she placed? How long did she wait before she was discovered? Did someone who loves her watch from a safe distance to make sure she was discovered? Do they still wonder what became of her?

I don't have much to say… Mostly just an aching sadness and growing sense that I need to get my little girl home.

------

Please pray with us that our paperwork is processed as expected and we can be on that airplane next month.  Just think, this might be Alea's last month as an orphan.

1 comment:

BlessedMomof5 said...

Wow--so exciting to know you are so close, and yet I completely understand the feeling of fear/unreality which comes over you at this stage. Nothing else I've ever done quite matched my adoption experiences and the intensity of emotion. Recently, after our trip to China, both of my adopted daughters have said, "I'm glad you adopted me. I am lucky I was adopted." One wrote it on a rock she made in Sunday School and told it in a story she wrote in school about visiting the hotel we stayed at in Changsha. The other told me it in casual conversation and then wrote it in a letter she sent to my mom which I did not read.
Adoption is something which makes you feel closely God's heart, his love and his Grace.
I'm glad I've had a chance to adopt these two girls. I'm lucky I've adopted. Virginia

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails