Jun 21, 2010

Overwhelmed by Love

I may never understand all the reasons God brought us to China, but one there's one I'm quite certain of. He wanted me to fall more in love with Him.

It's an odd place to do it, for I often see things that make me flail and push against His love. There are moments as I hold broken babies and wipe lonely tears that I'm overcome with anger… anger at the world and even anger at God. Why is the world so unfair? How could You let this happen? I'm like a newly adopted child sitting in her father's lap; refusing to rest against his chest… refusing to accept his embrace.

But He holds me still.

But there are also moments when inexplicably, I'm overwhelmed by His love. Most of you also read our foster home's blog, so you know that Chase recently died. As I was writing his memorial card last week, I know I encountered Jesus. Because usually the details of Chase's life and death would leave me feeling empty and heartbroken -- a baby abandoned, hurting, sick… the majority of his short life spent in a hospital instead of in the arms of his mother. It's the kinds of story that often leaves me shaking my fists at the sky.

But this time was different. I was overwhelmed by Love. I was swimming in Grace. I was basking in Joy. Chase is home. He is free. And he was always, always loved. For every minute of every day of his entire life.

And as I feel His love for Chase -- even in the midst of circumstances I will never understand -- I understand His love for me a little bit more.

8 comments:

Nicole said...

That is so well written! Sweet Chase is one of his littlest angels now. He is whole ,well and in the arms of his loving father forever.
Nicole

Kim said...

Oh Carrie. It is clear that your words written on that beautiful memorial card were divinely inspired.
Thank you for all the ways you serve as His hands and feet!
Love & Blessings from Hong Kong,
Kim

Valerie and Jeff said...

What a joy to feel so surrounded by God's love! It was clear to all that your words were so deeply felt and inspired. I know I was really touched by your memorial tribute to him and to know that YOU were moved as well makes it go so much deeper. Thank you for sharing our talent for words and your love for God!
Hugs,
Valerie

Stefanie said...

Beautifully written, Carrie. How He does love us!!
Have you heard the song "How He Loves"? You've got to watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NXWE6AC8ao
So reminds me of what you've experienced, Carrie. It's wonderful to hear He is covering you with His abundant, unconditional and endless love!!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh, Carrie... as difficult as it can feel, how much you are coming to know the Father better through it all. Chase is whole and well again. And he blessed so many during his short time here on earth.

Tara Anderson said...

Very well put...and absolutely beautiful!

Jenna said...

He's an orphan no more, and to think it give me chills.

Suzy said...

Sigh. It's so hard to imagine the joy he must be experiencing by being at home with his Father when we see the loss, the life we think he should have experienced. Your memorial card makes it easier. Bless you.

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