At His Feet: Easter Thoughts

And this is the poverty of my soul:  That when faced with a choice between time with Him or time with my e-mail, I most often choose my e-mail.

My ears are not so deaf that I do not hear Him calling -- a whisper in my heart asking me to draw near to Him; to let Him draw near to me. To let Him cleanse, wash, and purify me in His presence. But my response is, "Not Now!  I am so busy!"

I start each day not in peace and rest and closeness to my Strength and Sustenance, but in busy-ness with chaos swirling in my head… Tasks I need to complete. Words I need to write. People I need to see. Friends I need to invite. Jobs I need to do. Classes I need to teach. Laundry I need to wash. Guests I need to host. Children I need to hold. I often picture myself like the tasmanian devil in a whirlwind spin, moving so quickly that I do more harm than good… so quickly that I do nothing well.

{Do you notice that the one common word is I?  Do I spend my time at the alter of Me?}

Don't get me wrong, my time and life are filled with many "good things." But if I'm being honest, in the midst of the clutter and noise of life, in the deepest parts of my heart, I know that I am too easily distracted from the only One who matters. If I'm being honest, these "good things" have more than my time and energy… they have my heart. And compared to Him, anything that steals my heart is trivial and temporary.

"When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots." {Matthew 27:15}

It's an obscure sentence in the Easter narrative, but today as I read through the story on resurrection's eve, it caught my attention.  I live in a village where many people only own the clothes on their back.  If we take a bag of old clothes outside and set them by the trash, people gather around and divide the contents.  Though I've often read that line of scripture and imagined those people at the cross to be cruel and hardened, ignoring the moans of the dying, it's something I can imagine a bit more innocuously now...

So I picture them there, at His feet as He hung on the cross. Quibbling over who gets the sandals… at His feet. Trying on His cloak… at His feet. Arguing about who got the shirt from the last man who hung in this spot… at His feet. Casting lots when they can't agree... at His feet.

They didn't know or notice they were at the feet of the savior. They could only see the trivial and the temporary - an opportunity for much-needed clothes... shoes to protect feet from sharp stones on the path; a shirt to stop the burning sun; a cloak to block winter's cold wind.  The garments had value; they were not bad.

But they were at His feet!  They were there for a moment of divine importance, but because they were distracted by the trivial and the temporary, so they missed it!

They were at His feet, but they didn't even notice.  They might have been 'there' but they were not fully present.

Though I wish I could say otherwise, I'm not so different. I pick out new fabrics for the next batch of aprons… at His feet. I catch up on blogs and write my friends an e-mail… at His feet. I bake a cake and hang my laundry… at His feet. I make my 'To Do' list and, as if it's just another task to check off, mentally add 'Quiet Time' to it… at His feet.

It's not that these things that make me busy are bad; they all deserve some of my focus and attention. But they do not deserve my heart.  They message of Matthew 27:15 seems blatantly obvious and sad.  They weren't doing anything inherently wrong (recycling clothes from a man who would die in a matter of hours), it's just they were missing the only thing that mattered!


It's not always so obvious to me in my own life. But right now I see it. Right now I feel it... a dryness, tiredness, longing, and restlessness. I know how to end the drought; I need only draw near to Him and He promises to draw near to me. But yet I do not do it. There are some very deep reasons for why I do not, but then there is simply this: the temporary and the trivial do not always seem to be so in the present moment.

So on this Easter weekend, I remember not only the sacrifice He made on that cross, reconciling me to the Father, but I also remember His desire to be in a relationship with me.  This relationship isn't just some transaction I made once and for all when I walked to the alter in a small Baptist church, but it's an ongoing "draw near" kind of relationship. And I ask that you pray for me… that I would find Him and spend time with Him and come away refreshed and alive, pouring out to others out of an abundance of His love, not from the poverty of my own self-effort. And, I know I'm not the only one with a longing in her heart to spend more time at His feet, but who struggles with how to 'fit it into' her busy life. So if this is something that you also desire, will you leave a comment so I can also pray for you?

Instead of casting lots for clothes at His feet, can we truly be at His feet?  Drawing near and resting in peace, thankfulness and adoration?