Apr 11, 2012

Need to Write

The words sometimes bubble and swell, right under the surface.  I feel them in my fingertips - memories of the keys I would push to turn them into black and white.  But I push it off.  Another sippy cup to fill, another knee to kiss, another neck to embrace.  I love this crazy, chaotically busy season of my life.  Love my crazy, chaotically busy girl.  But it does sometimes feel like the words are caught.  And in some strange way, I ache…  I'm not complete without those words. 

Last week in my Bible study, I read a section from my journal to the group.  When I finished, one of the girls in the group said to me, "You need to write, Carrie.  You have a gift."  It all flooded back… the need to write. The months of unwritten words. (Would you believe me if I told you I miss writing every day?  Not a day goes by that I don't think about it.)  The reasons why… it isn't just the busy-ness of full-fledged toddlerhood.  It is this nagging sense that now my life isn't worth writing about.  Sippy cups and skinned knees and slobbery kisses… the stuff of my life, but often so seemingly unremarkable. 

But it isn't, is it?  It is holy if we look at it properly.  My vision needs checked - and not just my eyes.  My perception is often so upside down.  The seemingly insignificant is really what matters while the stuff I see as grand and important doesn't matter a bit. 

Right now she is roaming the yard, one big toe poking through the hole in her pajamas (which drives her a little crazy), picking leaves from the rosemary bush I planted this week.  And I will let her… I'm choosing words over the plant right now.  Besides I know she likes the smell of rosemary on her fingers.

It's a strange morning to pick this back up again.  Baby girl has a double ear infection, is teething, and my throat is all scratchy from springtime allergies.  Jacob is gone, and we've been up since 4:30 - her screaming and me shushing.  There's a long day stretching ahead, and if I think too much about it I start feeling a little overwhelmed.

So instead I'm just going to stop.  Breathe in the morning air.  Hear the birds singing in the trees.  Listen to her giggle as she chases LeLe through the yard. (She's giggling and not screaming!!)  See the sun shining on her golden hair. Taste the sweet bitterness of this coffee.  Write these words.  And thank Jesus for being more than enough for me today.

7 comments:

Danae said...

I was excited to see a new post from you in my blog list this morning....I've missed reading your writing, Carrie. :)

Kristi said...

Carrie,
I agree with the unnamed friend that said you have a gift with writing! I'm so excited to be able to follow your thoughts again.
Just because you are getting slobbery kisses and brushing off skinned knees doesn't mean that you don't still have thoughts.
And if you chose only to write about Cora, I think that many of us will still find wisdom in the way you love her!

Sally said...

Ditto on what Danae said above. Also, as much as I enjoy reading what you write - I hope you always write for you: because it gives "voice" to your thoughts and feelings, and it helps to record events in your life (no matter how "not blog worthy" you might think they are). To share these things with those who read your blog - it's a gift. No one is critiquing your choice of topic, so neither should you. Hope Cora gets to feeling better quickly!

Sharie said...

Carrie, sometimes as mom's we have to take time for us too...I am constantly reminding myself of that...I'm glad you found a minute for you. Write for you!

Anneli Johnson said...

Carrie, I was so excited to see your post! I have missed reading your blog, I really have. You have been such an inspiration for me these last few years and even if you don't feel like you have anything significant to say, you do.

Blessings to you, my friend!

Blessings,
Anneli

Valerie and Jeff said...

Your thoughts are precious to so many Carrie! I have no doubt that from your new position as mommy God will use you to pen messages in a new even more powerful way. (And it will also be an outlet for your own thoughts and passions. It is so easy to become overwhelmed and eventually lost in the desert of motherhood.)
One of the greatest gifts from God is our passions through which He works--yours no doubt is writing--and when those passions are seen and even appreciated by our children the blessings are exponential. I look forward to seeing/reading your family bloom into this new chapter! God is no doubt stirring your heart to speak from your new position as a mom -- not a person who hopes to someday be a mom. Perhaps your message will resonate to hearts in new ways talking to "established" families already with children and that they still are the voice and part of God's answer for the orphan.
Hugs, Valerie

Leah said...

I am so glad you will be back writing about your life--whatever--God has you living..it is all significant.

I admit...I am stuck in the pit and haven't really...I mean really written in about a year. You have giving me some inspiration to get back to transparency on my blog.

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