Jun 29, 2011

Roller Coaster

It was 9:45, and I was ready for bed.  But she was still up and couldn't calm herself down.  Jacob kissed me as he went to bed, "Goodnight," he whispered, in the dark room.

I kept rocking... humming a lullaby, but not really present in the moment.  Instead I was wishing I were going to bed at that moment too.  I longed for the day, maybe a year from now, when she goes down at night and falls asleep on her own and sleeps a solid 8 hours.

But then I remembered roller coasters.

When I was a kid and we'd go to the amusement park, I'd ride the roller coasters over and over again - more times than I really wanted - just because I knew it'd be the last time for a while.  When I knew the time to leave was approaching, I'd carefully plot my last few rides to make the most of every moment.

And this is a roller coaster.

There will be a day, not too far down the road, when she won't need or even want me to rock her to sleep.  There will be a day, not too far down the road, when I won't be feeding her in the quiet hours of the night, when I can see the shadows her eyelashes cast on her cheeks and the only sound I hear is the steady cadence of her sucking and swallowing.

And on that day, I'll wish I could take just one more ride on this roller coaster... one more rocking, one more cradling, one more moment at 2 am watching her sleep as she eats.  And I whispered a silent prayer as she finally gave in to sleep, "Help me to soak in every beautiful moment and cease wishing my life away."


thewindowwasher said...

You are very wise. I didn't get that lesson down well until 3 years of infertility ended with the birth of my twins. I was so frustrated by my eldest's waking in the night. With the little two I savored it so much more. <3

Melissa G. said...

Beautiful post! And a great reminder to savor these fleeting moments with our precious children.

Sharie said...

I try to keep that in mind every day. The first six years went way too fast. Enjoy every moment!!!

WilxFamily said...

you are so wise to know this is coming....soon!

"baby" life with Jack was a blur....clouded in a fog of caring for a 22 month old and ppd. I barely remember a thing, except the last time I nursed him. :( I have always been sad about that and made it a point with Levi to savor our time together. (especially in the midst of three other

Don't kid yourself...you are doing a GREAT job!!


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