Sep 29, 2009

Judah's Life


He hasn’t been given much hope. Several doctors evaluated Judah’s angiogram, and each has given the same opinion – surgery can’t help. His heart defect is too severe. They say that surgery can’t repair the defect and probably would only shorten his life.

Though their explanations include a barrage of complex medical terminology, really the only thing we hear is: surgery won’t help.


When I first heard those words, I realized how much hope I put in surgeons' hands. I never could have imagined that I’d be at a place in my life where an open heart surgery on a baby would seem like an everyday occurrence. And, when the children go in, I usually have a breezy confidence that they’ll come right back out, all patched up and whole again, well on their way to a childhood full of running and playing.

But with the doctors’ words comes a stark reality this time. And for a while, I lose a little hope. I look at sweet Judah and feel a deep sorrow. I confess I was even afraid to let myself get too close to him; imagining how much greater my pain would be if we lost him. I didn’t want to let him in because it would hurt too much to let him go.


But over the last few days, I’ve felt God whispering something new in my heart, and I find my hope restored. Carrie, this is Judah’s life! It doesn’t start the day after surgery or with a clean bill of health. He’s living his life right now. And whether his life lasts one year or 100, it is his life. In his life, he has known love. And isn’t that what is needed most of all?

I’ve heard this message as I’ve watched his nanny cuddle him, wrapped up tightly in a blanket and held close to her beating heart.

I’ve heard this message as he sat on a swing, listening to a story that his nanny read and enjoying the gentle rocking and the cool autumn breeze.

I’ve heard this message in so many little ways, each one a whisper of His grace and love. Each one a reminder that little Judah was never forgotten by the Father. Each one a sign of hope.


Though we’re praying for a miracle, we don’t know how long Judah’s life will last. (But then again, isn’t that true for everyone?) But we do know that he is not lying in a crib in a dark room. We do know that he’s not hungry or dirty or thirsty. We do know that he is loved.

And that is enough. His is a life well-lived.

11 comments:

TanyaLea said...

Oh Carrie~ Tears falling. This is such a good post. Such an import lesson and message bedded within. Judah has tugged on my heart-strings since he arrived, and even moreso after finding out the prognosis from doctors and experts worldwide. My heart aches for his. And though things seem pretty grim, I will not quit praying for this sweet boy. I know that our Father has not forsaken him and that he, too, was fearfully and wonderfully made. Yes, continue to love on him and let the true LOVE of Jesus shine through all of you as you shower him with love. Judah's little life IS significant and he is loved by many!! <><

Blessings and Hugs,
~Tanya

Tara Anderson said...

I am so thankful that precious little Judah is in a home...even if it is "just" a foster home...where he is loved and snuggled. I've been praying for a (medical) miracle for this precious little one...and will continue to do so...but isn't it absolutely perfect of God to remind us that sometimes love in itself IS the miracle. I'm so glad I get to be a part of Judah's life. As much as I'd love to snuggle him and tell him how darling he is, it's still such an honor to petition the throne on his behalf.

Valerie and Jeff said...

Sweet, sweet Judah.
I am so glad he's loved and that you've reminded us the importance of that fact and also that his life on Earth doesn't have to be "X" number of years long to be significant or change hearts and make an eternal difference. That is true with all of us. It is so hard to grasp and accept that though. Thank you ND for loving Him ... and Judah. As I sit here today caring for one of my own sick children it hurts my heart to think of other children who are sick and alone and not getting any care or love ... especially those who are not just seasonally ill but something so much longer-term and more critical.
So far away ... but still close enough to know that you know and need to pray for them ... and for us to act.

Holly said...

Amen!! Just today in our homeschool we read about how brief our lives really are. What do we want to do differently knowing that we are not promised tomorrow?
(Crazy Love)
I will pray with you for a miracle knowing that God is more than able to provide. I am not skilled to understand why God sometimes heals and sometimes doesn't but I trust in His goodness and His plans even when things don't make sense to me.
Judah is a precious little boy. If only EVERY child could feel the loving care that he has felt. Then, maybe then I could let go of this growing burden for orphans.
Love,
Holly

JShannon said...

Amen

Kristi said...

What a beautiful reminder to live life to the fullest and to share the love of our Heavenly Father every day!

Sarah said...

Beautiful post, Carrie. Really moving.

Have you seen Ruby's foster mom lately? Has she taken any more children in? I pray for her family daily.

Thank you for ALL you do, you ARE making a difference and glorifying God on a daily basis.

Leanne said...

Praying for this little guy. Tears flowing...so glad he has all of you pouring love into his life.

blessings!

Anonymous said...

Oh Carrie...

The moment I met Judah I fell so deeply in love with him. He has been on my heart since the day I left! Thank you for posting this blog!! I love your heart for God and his children!!!!

-Jovie

Waiting For Bella said...

Carrie,
Love is not a feeling it is an action. I just posted on my blog last week about this. It is so hard to love sometimes and so easy other times. Regardless, true love is what 1Cor 13 speaks of. It is powerful scripture if we actually apply it to our lives.

I pray for Judah and will continue to do so. I praise God that he is at ND with such wonderful people. He is indeed special to Christ and when he does go home (like we all will one day) he will be made whole. What doctor's can not do my God can!! PTL!!

Kimberly said...

Such an important thing to remember about the love of our Heavenly Father for us-- and that anyone who is loved has lived well. What an amazing testimony, shown to us through the life of a precious little boy. He is just so adorable, and it is so evident that he is loved now, here on earth. The pictures of him with his nanny- you can tell she loves him deeply.

I'm wiping away a tear right now, though.

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